Have u ever wondered why people get into BDSM? What’s it about? Fear? Pain? Humiliation? For some it is, but ultimately it’s about pushing ur sexual boundaries. How much can i take? Will I break? Am I flexible enough to endure? These are all questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis about daily struggles. A Dom or Domme’s job is to find ur boundaries and push them as far as u can go without hurting u physically, emotionally and mentally.

In my book Bound by Darkness Lila has her boundaries pushed by Simon, however he does it in the wrong way. He doesn’t care if he hurts her he’s on concern is his own pleasure. A real Dom or Domme is concerned about ur pleasure. What turns you on and how to keep u on the razors edge, teetering between losing control and the ultimate sexual pleasure.

For most people it is when they finally give up that control that they find release. Tension melts out of them, stress of the real world fades away and they are suddenly living moment to moment without any cares at all. When u reach that place, a place you have never been before ur ultimate desires are possible. And usually, if they let you, u will orgasm harder than you ever have in ur life.

So what part does fear play? Pushing boundaries is not easy. What are u most frightened of? Being still? The belt? Is there a childhood fear that u need to work out. This is where ur Dom or Domme can help u. Have a conversation tell them ur worries. A real Dom or Domme will welcome this information and use it to help u through this roadblock.

Sometimes things that happen to us as children create a space for us to explore as adults. Being afraid isn’t the end all be all or your life. Now is the time to explore who u are and what u want. Being hyper aware of ur needs and wants is something everyone should be in tune with. Only then can u release ur fear and find ur freedom, sexually or otherwise.