Tag Archives: BDSM

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Sex and Love

Is it true u can have sex without love? Well yeah. Any one can shut off their emotions and just fuck. People have been doing that for hundreds of years. That why there r arranged marriages and people have affairs. So what are they looking for do u think? Maybe they need someone to hold them? Someone to make them feel beautiful or handsome? Maybe they r just trying to procreate? Makes u wonder doesn’t it? If u had an affair what would ur reasons be? Are they strong enough to invoke u to take that final step and not look back? People do it all the time.

As for me I don’t think I could. I’m pretty happy in general and consider myself a positive person. Beside Karma would more than likely bite my ass and I’d end up on the receiving end of a divorce. So what do u do? Find some way that makes u attractive? Find someway that will turn u on? Maybe ur doing it wrong? Try a different position. By the Kama Sutra. Get kinky. There is a lot of information on the Internet about kink and website that can help. Try tumblr. There r sex blogs on there as far as the eye can see. And what about kink? Kink is usually the thing that pushes ur comfort zone the most. Some people like to be Daddy’s girl, or kitties or dress up in leather and be chained. Would u consider it of it meant saving ur relationship? Would u be open to the option of involving others? Just some things to think about this lovely Sunday Morning.

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Pushing those Sexual Boundaries

Have u ever wondered why people get into BDSM? What’s it about? Fear? Pain? Humiliation? For some it is, but ultimately it’s about pushing ur sexual boundaries. How much can i take? Will I break? Am I flexible enough to endure? These are all questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis about daily struggles. A Dom or Domme’s job is to find ur boundaries and push them as far as u can go without hurting u physically, emotionally and mentally.

In my book Bound by Darkness Lila has her boundaries pushed by Simon, however he does it in the wrong way. He doesn’t care if he hurts her he’s on concern is his own pleasure. A real Dom or Domme is concerned about ur pleasure. What turns you on and how to keep u on the razors edge, teetering between losing control and the ultimate sexual pleasure.

For most people it is when they finally give up that control that they find release. Tension melts out of them, stress of the real world fades away and they are suddenly living moment to moment without any cares at all. When u reach that place, a place you have never been before ur ultimate desires are possible. And usually, if they let you, u will orgasm harder than you ever have in ur life.

So what part does fear play? Pushing boundaries is not easy. What are u most frightened of? Being still? The belt? Is there a childhood fear that u need to work out. This is where ur Dom or Domme can help u. Have a conversation tell them ur worries. A real Dom or Domme will welcome this information and use it to help u through this roadblock.

Sometimes things that happen to us as children create a space for us to explore as adults. Being afraid isn’t the end all be all or your life. Now is the time to explore who u are and what u want. Being hyper aware of ur needs and wants is something everyone should be in tune with. Only then can u release ur fear and find ur freedom, sexually or otherwise.

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Playing with Ropes

It occurred to me that I have been posting pics for a while now. I though today I would switch it up and blog. About kinky sex!

So do u have a fetish? If so what is it? If u don’t have u considered it? Here are a few options.

Rope play- this can come with a Dom or Domme or simply with ur partner. Rope play is when ur significant other binds u in rope. Either around ur body or to the bed for instance. It doesn’t necessarily have to restrict movement, but should be tight enough that u don’t forget it’s there. While it’s on u can have a sexual encounter or oral or just be still and reveal in the feel of the ropes holding u tight. Some people like to be suspended even. And when the ropes come off there is a sense of weightlessness. The stress from the day just melts away. U can buy rope from ur local adult store or experiment with what can be bought at ur local hardware store.

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Bondage Monday

Today we are doing a salute to bondage and tmrw my blog will be about bondage. Don’t forget Bound By Darkness is free this week at Smashwords ! Happy spankings to all and have a fabulous week!!!

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Trillium blogging

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Respect and Trust

I was looking at old photos from my childhood last night and remembered how little respect my father had for my mother. Oh, he never hit her, he just belittled her. His camera was constantly focused on young, pretty and plastic women. In fact, there’s no photos of my high school graduation because he used up all his film on the other, prettier, girls.

(At the time I thought they were prettier. Looking back, I can see that was one of the many messages my father stuffed into my head that were wrong.)

I never learned to ask for respect. I put my trust in men who would never be able to respect me (alcoholics, abusers, etc.) and then was astounded when that trust was broken. Soon, I learned not to trust men.

Because I didn’t respect and trust myself.

This was long before I knew BDSM existed.

To an outside observer at a dungeon or play party, it might seem like there’s no respect at all between people who are flogging, piercing, or demanding service from each other. But the observer would be wrong.

For the submissive, trust is everything. He or she needs to know that the dom/master respects them for who they are so they can put their bodies and minds in his/her care.

The dominant needs the respect and the trust that the submissive gives him or her of their own free will. If that dynamic, the power exchange of trust, respect and some form of love, isn’t there, it can easily turn into another abusive relationship.

How about your relationships? Are they brimming over with respect, trust and love? Or is there something missing?

Leave a comment below to let us know your thoughts.

Thanks again, Buffy, for letting me speak to your audience!

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Why Write Gay Paranormal

It occurred to me many people may be wondering why do I write hetero paranormal and gay paranormal. Today I thought I would give you the run down.

First, when you write you must write about what you like, what interests you and take into account what will sale. A lot of authors believe if you write for the market you could soon be dead in the water. I don’t believe this is true. I think that if you make an effort to see what your market is, who your readers are and what they want to read you will be better able to develop a readership and a positive relationship with your readers. I love the paranormal and am fascinated by vampires and were creatures. I have loved vampires since the Count on sesame street.

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Since then I have read Anne Rice, JR Ward, Susan Squires, Christine Feehan and Susan Sizemore and anyone else I can find. I have read thousands of books that do with vampires and hundreds that deal with were creatures. I enjoy these authors and others immensely and highly recommend them if your looking for new reads. It’s called research. You must know what you are up against. Even in ebooks.

Second, I write Hetero sex because it’s what I know. I’ve been married 17 years and started dating and having sex three years before that. I’ve tried everything within reason from BDSM to missionary. It occurs to me, however, as long as you have a resource with experience you do not have to have the personal experience if you have done your research.

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Third, and a however, you must be careful. I wrote a book called Bound by Darkness. This is not a paranormal romance. It is a paranormal horror that contains two really evil bad guys that tweak BDSM and use it in a not nice way. This book has received high reviews, a top pick review from Night Owl Reviews, a 4.5 from Romance Junkies and a 4 from Coffee Time Romance, but it hasn’t sold so well because the BDSM is not used in a loving, traditional way and was marketed as paranormal romance.
The lesson here is be careful how you advertise.

Fourth, gay paranormal romance.

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I write Gay paranormal romance because it fascinates me. I love the dynamic of the relationship, the things you can do with the paranormal creatures and the worlds you can build.

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I am a big supporter or GLBT rights. They are the same as everyone else and need to be treated equally, honestly, is it 1950?? The fact that the government is getting involved in the bedroom is just absurd. It’s about Love people not hate, wake up! As out as some people are there is still a huge amount if GLBT individuals that are in the closet or terrified to come out because of the bullying and abuse that has become prevalent and associated with this way of life and, by the way, you are born this way. I wrote gay romance to support my fellow man, woman and everyone in between. Please stop the inequality and bullying.

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Last, I think that being open to alternative lifestyles can open your mind to new worlds, cultures and issues that surround them. Teach your kids love and happiness, not hate. Families are what we make them, not what we perceive as the norm. What is normal anyway? Socially acceptability is bullshit. Be yourself, live free and happy.

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Trillium and the Power Dynamic

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The Power Dynamic

Master. Slave. The ultimate in one person having power over another. Lots of ugly connotations, especially when the power is taken by force. But what if it’s given by choice? And why would anyone, male or female, want to give up that kind of power?

Dominance/Submission. Less drastic. But still…What toll does it take on the one in charge? Is submission the same as being a doormat? If someone doesn’t understand the dynamic, it can be. Are relationships that have a HOH (head of household), or a domestic discipline agreement dominant and submissive? Probably.

Equal partnerships. Do they really exist all the time? Or is there an underlying agreement? I’ll be dominant here…you can be dominant there… Conflict will occur when we both want to dominate. It’s even worse when no one wants to be in charge.

In my work in progress, the heroine has allowed herself to be a doormat in her family of origin. It’s her mother who’s in charge. Her father is self-effacing. Lisa has learned how to stay out of the way.

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But how does she draw the line when she begins to explore the world of dominance and submission? You see, a submissive is a very powerful role, even though it doesn’t seem like it could be. He or she has to be strong to know how much they can bear and to know what they are getting in return. Respect is required on both sides.

Doormats and bullies aren’t welcome.

Good stories always involve give and take between characters. The joy of reading is watching the negotiation in progress. What will each person need to learn to give up in order to get what they want?

I know in my own relationship, there are times I need to remind myself that if I can give up a little more control, there will be a bit more ease and joy in my life.

Dominance….submission….how is it played out in your relationship?

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Trillium is an author of BDSM-oriented erotic romance. You can find her on Twitter, Goodreads and at her website: http://www.trillium-author.com

Look for Trillium’s story Ali’s Choice in the up coming anthology Touch of Love.

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Bound by Darkness gets New Review!

I just got this from Tammy at Night Owl Erotica! Check it out! And remember you can buy it at Amazon.com smashwords.com and allromanceebooks.com Just search for Buffy Christopher!

Your book Bound by Darkness was just reviewed by Sandibuck at Night Owl Erotica with a 4.75 / 5 star score – Top Pick!

You can find the review at: http://www.nightowlerotica.com/nor/Reviews/Sandiebuck-reviews-Bound-By-Darkness-by-Buffy-Christopher.aspx

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Christmas Contest

Good Morning my lovelies! Don’t forget I am holding my annual Christmas Contest and am giving away a gift set of Vampire perfume and a copy of Bound by Darkness or Midnight: The First Three Books. All you need to do is comment on any post in December to be entered for your chance to win. 18 years and over only please and void where prohibited.
Julius from Upon Midnight

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